I'll take tea, milk, two sugars and a KAORU!
by Superdooperpartypooper
Summary: Kaoru dies after getting shrunk and then finds his way into a cup of tea, Hikaru acts differently to how you'd imagine and it involves a stash of porn mags, and Haruhi is mad with Hikaru... read to find out why. The story is very eccentric and insane.


For some strange reason I have had to reupload this as It wouldnt open for me to edit it.

Ok so I have numerous things I would like to say... *ahem*... If you dont want Kaoru to die then dont read this, if you are looking for a serious story then DEFINATLY dont read this... but if your mental like me then hey... Give it a go.

p.s I know its rushed but I wrote most of it in a computer lesson and When I finish it I will correct and add things... Not even sure ill get round to writing more though...

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"1…2…3…" Hikaru called impatiently, it was now his turn to count; he hated counting.

Meanwhile Kaoru was thinking his hardest for somewhere to hide (Like he has to THINK of somewhere to hide on their 400 acre estate home) Kaoru ran into the laundry house at the back of the estate. The large laundry room was filled with industrial sized washing machines, all lined up in order of family members, Father Hitachiin, mother Hitachiin and the two-troublesome-twins shared one, he knew how much clothes these things could hold, so in Kaoru's mind he immediately found his hiding place, not the usual thought, but then again they are NOT usual. Kaoru took off his luxurious cardigan and custom made Italian shoes, jumping head first into the washing machines metal drum. He began to wait.

"Ready or not here I come!" Yelled Hikaru, already peeking before he got to 100.

"You're such a cheat Hikaru" said a voice so sweet to Hikaru's ears he could have cried, he knew it could have belonged to the one, the only Haruhi.

"Ahh Haruhi" he said, his face lighting up as bright as his yellow jersey.

"You've forgot haven't you"

"Forgot what Haruhi" questioned Hikaru, who by this point had forgotten all about his twin.

Haruhi sighed "I am here to tutor your stupid ass Hikaru, now come on we'll go in and start"

"Wow Haruhi I never knew algebra was this easy, you sure showed me" Hikaru proclaimed while scruffing up Haruhi's hair.

"What? Hikaru this is Romeo and Juliet!" They had been studying for 4 hours now and Hikaru STILL did not understand a single word of Shakespeare.

The time was five o'clock and it was time to do the daily washing, the Hitachiin household change their clothes numerously throughout the day, what do you expect from a world famous designer?

"Oi Mel! Have you put the clothes in the washing machines ready for me to switch on?"

"Yeah Bell" The twin laundrettes couldn't be more different, Mel never put the clothes in the washing machine, she binned them, it was easier that way and the family never noticed. So like every other day Bell went round switching on the empty machines. Fathers… Mothers… and the twins.

"HIKA!" Kaoru screamed for his brother as the water whizzed around him, much like when Hikaru used to place him in the toilet and flush the chain, Kaoru would go all the way to the families sewer works and eventually the sea, no wonder he was so messed up.

He soon drifted off into an unconscious state, awaking to the no longer water filled drum. Looking around he realised something was wrong; he'd shrunk!

Crawling out the washing machine he went on search for his brother, where was Hikaru? Shouldn't he have been looking for me? How will I find clothes to fit me now? All these thoughts and more spun around Kaorus usually empty mind.

"Hika-chan I'll make us some tea and we can get back to work after, ok?" Haruhi said with a sincere smile on her face.

"T-t-thank you Haruhi" Hikaru said blushing, he never usually blushed but Haruhi's smile was unlike any other.

The voices, the movement, everything was so loud to the now 2 inches Kaoru.

"Hikaru!" he screamed…. With no reply.

"" He screamed again… Still no reply.

I must get his attention… thought Kaoru.

"here you go" Haruhi said, Putting the cups on the table and pouring the antique tea-pot over the two cups.

Hikaru took one look, he had never had commoners tea before.

Looking down into the cup he found a little peachy coloured thing swimming around the brown juice.

"Hey Haruhi this stuff is gross there's a bug or something in it, you fucking trying to poison me?" Hikaru yelled while trying to fish out the little mysterious organism from his cup... oh shit, he thought.

"K-k-kaoru?" he stammered lost for words as he held his matchstick sized, motionless brother, friend and other half in the palm of his hands, whose soul had already departed.

Haruhi glanced over momentarily in Hikaru's direction, her eyes first concentrated on his blank expressionless face and then slowly moving down... to witness... the moment in which the Hitachiin brothers were finally... no more...

"He... we... I... I... I'm..." Hikaru's voice trailed off into nothingness, much like the place his heart was. "Hikaru, you don't have to say anything..." Haruhi whispered with eyes glistening from the tears that were building up, her words were so soft "I know how important Kaoru-", "I'M FREEEEE!" Proclaimed Hikaru, interrupting Haruhi. He shot up in the air, throwing his brother through the window. This was it, Hikaru could do everything he had ever wanted to, and nobody could stop him. The possibilities that lay before him were endless; he could now be a proper host and not have to play up to the whole I'm-In-Love-With-My-Twin-Charade, which was rather a pain to Hikaru as It meant girls wanted him to be with his twin, rather than with them. Let's face it Hikaru had never even Kissed a girl and when Kaoru was around he wasn't getting any closer.

"What... you... you... Jerk!" Haruhi shrieked, this was promptly followed with the meeting of haruhi's hand and Hikaru's face. This would have hurt like hell but due to Hikaru's mood he never even noticed, nor did he notice when she left, he was too busy cabbage patch dancing on his Egyptian silk rug, his pants slipping down as he threw himself around in a red-haired frenzy.

"Oh Haruhi's left?" he said to himself as he tugged his shorts back up from round his well toned muscular ankles. "BYE HARUHI" he screamed, even though she had left a good two days ago.

After a good long shower Hikaru threw himself on his bed and glanced over to the bed where Kaoru once dreamed sweet dreams of him and Hikaru lying under under a moonlit sky. _Hmm..._ Hikaru thought, _Now Kaorus not around I can bring out my bible of enjoyment without having to conveniently hide it with a revision book_

His face lit up as he hauled some rather erotic books out from under his pillow, yes this is the kind of boy Hikaru is. After approximately 12 pages, 24 pairs of unrealistic boobs and alot of cheap looking porn scenes later Hikaru was exhausted from his duties, not to mention the numbness in his arm from the exercise.

He was about to drop off to sleep when the wind from his open window blew in and turned the porn mag on the bed to the last page of advertisements, one stood out above the rest. The advertisement was large and pink, Hikarus favourite colour, he read it with curiosity "Are you 16 years old?" "uhuh" "Are you ging- I mean red haired?" "yes" he said and was now sat straight up studying every word. "Have you just lost a twin brother due to some freak accident?" His eyes widened... "Do you have that one friend who you wish to be more than a friend, but unfortunately she's all into some blonde fancy-Frenchman, who forces you day in day out to call him lord or daddy or some other ridiculous name?" Hikaru couldn't believe what he was reading it was like a dream or at least someone was reading his mind, even though there wasn't much to read to be honest.

"Well forget that bitch she probably dresses like a boy anyway! What you need my friend is real hoes and you can get them here at Miko's hoe emporium, we supply everything you need to become a world famous pornstar, so what you waiting for?... get yo virgin ass down here and gimme some cash and i'll give yo some hoes, bro."

And so with the power of the advertisement Hikaru's adventure was about to begin...


End file.
